It's in these moments.

I think I might be going a little bit insane.

I hate saying it, I hate complaining about where I'm at...because I'm sure, a month or few days from now, when I'm moving, and feeling useful or productive. Where I want to be active, and serving...I'll be just fine. For now though, I'm just plain frustrated, and bored. By that I mean, creatively bored. The only creativeness I have enough energy for, is in choosing colors for blog backgrounds, and in choosing my outfit for the day. Perhaps this is okay...but it is tiresome to me, I feel restless, and incapable.

I'm of the mind that nothing will change, unless I make the decision to get out of this funk. That I need to go deeper in prayer, turn off my computer for a couple of days...and delve deep into the things I used to be in tune with. It's my fault that I'm here, no one can get me out of it, except Jesus, and yet I'm doing everything to keep my mind occupied with distraction.

I had a flickering of peace rise within me today, when I took Isaiah to the park. He always wants me to climb the equipment with him, and I always feel shy, because all the mom's are around with their kids, and I don't want to be responsible for plowing someone over...so I carefully told him that he should choose a child near by to play tag with him. He whined to me, that he knew they'd "just say no" if he asked...I spotted a little girl in stained khaki shorts and pink tennis shoes, pushing her blonde tangled hair away from her face with fists full of sand. I instantly decided that I liked her, she seemed open, and fearless so I pointed her out to Isaiah and told him to ask her to play. He walked up behind her, with his hands behind his back, and just watched her until she turned around and looked at him...he then gave her a nervous wave, she said a quick "hi" and they were on their way. Soon her siblings all came to join them, and Isaiah had four friends to run with for the next 45 minutes. I sat and talked to their mom about home schooling...and it was refreshing, I felt a bit of me being revived in the sunshine. Another little thing too...I'm not sure of the significance, if there is any...I woke up this morning with the name Isaac on my mind, which I thought was super strange. Then at the park, my heart was all a flutter because the brother of that little girl that Isaiah started playing with was named Isaac...I kept hearing his name being yelled across the playground, and for some reason it kept me alert. I don't know...I'm not connecting thoughts here very well, probably because there isn't much to connect, but I felt today that maybe there is a deeper reality to be tapped into, that I've been ignoring for more mundane musings.

Nothing here but wondering...sorry if I've bored you. It is my blog though. I'm going to finish reading about Daniel asking God for wisdom...and how he didn't whine about life.