So Much for My Sabbatical....

I like to buoy up things like compassion, and dunh dunh duuuh, grace.
My favorite bible verses growing up, held the common theme of considering others better than myself, turning my other cheek, God's sufficiency for me and acceptance of me. The last two serving most importantly as stepping stones, in figuring out how to extend the rest. Instead of acting upon the natural niceness I had in my heart toward my fellows...I started to freak, desiring a deeper understanding, so that I'd have a rebuttal for all those doubts in my head regarding rejection and being misunderstood. Not to mention parents and friends who just wanted anyone who hurt my feelings to feel the chill of my disdain as the responsive gift. I wasn't very good at the cold shoulder, even just pretending...I was more good at crying and walking around the issue timidly, hoping that if I held my eyes level, they'd be met by the inflicting opponent's, and resolve would step in to smooth things over.
The only thing I learned from this was to walk around timidly, all the while thinking abusively about the mistakes I had made, and the people I had surely offended. A wallowing, emoting, eery wailer, whose best friend was a cat that got hit by a car when she moved to the country.
Since then I've learned to get angry for my parents when someone (or a church) does something stupid and hurts them I've also developed a gift at telling my friends how their ex-boyfriend really is a jerk, and they never should have settled for him in the first place, because they are much much better than he will ever hope to be. I've also learned to be defensive in the face of blows that are being directed at me, and over some issues that are not even advancing toward my general direction.

So far, the only honest display of grace in my life is what I've received from God and some people I like to call my friends and family. I might have hit the mark in a moment or two before, but I'm afraid I've either been too yellow bellied or arrogant, on other occasions. I heard a guy who couldn't have been more 17, give his testimony this weekend...through tears and a rattling voice, he said ," I really just wanted to tell you all that I'm so glad there's still grace in the battle.".
My mind and heart clicked in agreement over this issue of love and forgiveness right then. I understood that grace is not flimsy, nor a cheesy emotion lacking in sense. I saw it's strength, heard it's cry over the shouting of regressive culture, and knew it's practicality.

I hope the views and perception I have received on this topic are not simply there by my own efforts to justify a liberal world view. It would be accidental if it is so. Mostly I just want to share a few things, to get them outside of myself, exposing them to air, so that if any wound be found, naught will fester. Whatever...obviously we live on earth, with people, bad and good choices, and soliciting judgment...but, but, there's a lot more to see beyond, and around that, through softer eyes. Frankly, I'm tired of being indignant over issues that are not new disputes. I don't really care for the new ones either I suppose, at least I don't care about them enough to get all riled up...I want to care the most about Jesus and about people and fuzzy things. In that order precisely, and if you take me for a simpleton, I will be highly delighted.