Do not let me die today.

Currently Listening
I Don't Think There's No Need
By Linford Detweiler
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The sun this morning upon rising caused me anger.

I don't know why, but it did...I was angry, cranky, mean, pissy, all of it. And if someone says to me that it's due to my time of month, I'll warn you never to talk to me again. I love my family, because they put up with my whining and my strange emotional ways. They more than put up with it, they love me in spite of, and sometimes because of it. So I think because I possess an understanding of how much of me they can take, I let loose for no reason.

Like for instance...if your dog came and pooped in my sewing room while I was gone for a whopping two minutes fetching my iron, I would not stomp even a toe, or let the slightest of resentful expressions enter my eyes. I'd probably laugh, and I most definitely wouldn't yell at your dog.
But my brother's dog, got the back of my hand, extreme verbal warnings and the stink eye.

Or take this example...if you were talking to me in a way that made you sound somewhat competitive, or like super arrogant, it wouldn't ruffle my feathers, I might not feel inclined to pay you very many compliments...seeing how you yourself were doing such a fine job of that on your own, but I wouldn't whine about everything being a competion to you. I'd probably laugh, and muster up the banter within, creating for myself an equalized facade of cockiness, and leave you in the dust of my wit. Or at least try to without exposing the joke with a smile.
However if you are my other brother, I'll walk away from you in the middle of your sentence, cussing angrily under my breath over your disregard for my insecurity, and efforts to stay neutral amidst the war.

I just realized tonight, that I don't have enough room in my heart, to love everyone the way my family loves me. Right now I don't want to really, not in a bad way, but in a way that makes me humbly recall that I am human. Not super woman, even if Isaiah insists (gets jealous over the fact) that Sufjan's song entitled "Super Sexy Woman" off of the album "A Sun Came" is indeed written about me.
I'm not even Johanna with a Messiah complex. Sometimes I am nothing but unexpressed feelings, and quirks...but it's acceptable.

So, on my calandar for the week, is not a whole lot. I'm sewing, and cooking, and cleaning. Going to see Rosie Thomas (hopefully) in Grand Rapids instead of Detroit, because I took the time to look at my bank account...the fees of traveling, gasoline and multiple purchases of second hand clothing, are catching up with me. I'm going to work out, using my winsor pilates circle, and get in shape for the summer. I've made up my mind and am attending the PUSH apprenticeship again this year...while I'm stoked and overwhelmed with a new creativeness that comes with making a decision you feel good about, I've got to figure out some ways to make tuition money. I'll probably put the Classy out for sale and see who bites...she's beat up, but faithful, and you can't hurt $250 in pre-crushed metal. I hit the library, and got some new poetry by Donald Hall to fill my thoughts...plus I'm reading something that amuses me greatly by Dodie Smith, the author of 101 Dalmations...Oh and I saw the best movie of my life last night "Stage Beauty". Really, I'd suggest it to every one of my friends, except for those under the age of seventeen.

That's it, you're pretty much caught up on my life. Like you asked. *wink wink*