I've decided not to restrict my comments to the
weather when feeling
awkward on the phone. I talked to a couple of pals
in Rochester
today...I do like getting a phone call from there
because I get passed
around the room for a little one on one with
everyone :). When time came
to chat with Tom I said something about being on a
nice walk outside he
cut me off with his boisterous agreement. "Yeah it's
nice here too! I
think I'm going to get naked and walk to the grocery
store. Then ask
them to show me where the banana's are. What? 49
cents a pound! That's a
real deal!" I informed him that 25 cents a pound is
what they normally
run for here...he was jealous.

Conversations with others in the day didn't steer
any more
straight...but hey...what can you do besides laugh?

My spirit feels frumpy. I could laugh, cry, run
away, and stay all at
once...all for reasons I don't feel really merit. I
do know I'm not
going to school next fall...I've wasted too much
time wandering in fear,
then bravery, then fear again. I hate to come to
this conclusion because
I sat stagnant for too long, but I'm not defeated
yet I suppose. Other
opportunities are showing themselves and I will grab
on and hang even if
I'm dragging. There is so much invested into the
knowledge of being a
sinner. I know I screw up. I can focus on that,
flogging myself into
submission...or relent knowing Christ has buried it
with his
death...which no longer exists. I just think that
there is so much to
consider that is larger than my own sin. Sounds bad,
but I guess what
I'm trying to say is that there is promise that it
has been erased. God
created good and desires to preserve it with his
wisdom...and I want to
trust that he can. Free will is not a promise to
damnation, it's a
promise that we have the ability to make a
choice...the option to do
good is as open as the one to do evil. Obvious
right? I guess I've been
too distracted by a guilty conscience to remember.

My entry seems kind of bi-polar...I guess I haven't
been much in the
mood to write lately. Oh well I bet I will be
tomorrow...now that I've
said I'm not.