I promise to sleep after this. Does anyone know if
that passion fruit
tea has caffeine in it? I guess it could be the
passion part that keeps
me awake too...heh.

Robin's gig was lovely tonight. I get so proud of
the way she acts when
holding a guitar in her arms and notes on her lips.
I will quite always
remember tonight I think. I studied the evening like
a photograph. She
really captivated the whole place, even through
yucky feed back and
forgotten verses...kept calm eyes scanning the room.
I'm glad I got over
my jealousy of her giftings when we were little
gals. I've reaped so
much from being proud of her. :p I feel kinda guilty
for not sleeping
right now, seeing how she wrote me a whole lullaby
and sang it without
telling me. I cried...hugged her...then went into
the bathroom and cried
somemore. I was totally praying for her own
confidence up there, then
she upped and sang a prayer for mine. I was
unsuspective of receiving
any blessings today.

Work was awful...I sit and bask in my insecurities
and failings when
alone. There was lots of time for it too. I forget
about the truths of
friendship in the face of terrible world muckraking.
Then God reminds me
why I need him...I get so caught up in the idea of
him not needing me,
but wanting me. That should be flattering right? For
some reason I get
lost in the "un-needed" part, wondering if the only
reason I cling so
tightly to Jesus is to satisfy my game playing
needs. If I only
surrender because I have to, not out of pure
un-adulterated love for my
Savior. I think that my motives to love come not out
of care for others,
but care for myself and being loved. Maybe so...but
that's why I need
Him and the reason He wants me.