Work had more of a steady feel today...customers
actually came in and
purchased things :) I started three people on Baqua
Spa - our "Bromine
Free - Chlorine Free", hydrogen peroxide based
sanitizing system. It
amazes me to think about how unsure I was when I
first began there...how
basically unwilling I was to make mistakes. Fred (my
boss) has most
successfully shaken that out of me, and as a result
I am better around
strangers. Now I just fight the feelings of boredom,
which is a very bad
sign. I think that means I've lost view of bettering
my skills...."stuck
in a funk" if you will, of ambivalence.

Last night Mom, Andy, Robin and I took a trip out to
Grand Rapids. Our
purpose? Mostly to have a good night of listening to
the grand sounds of
Madison Greene and friends, The Psalters. I'm not
sure, but I think I
favored the Psalters...Madison Greene was
entertaining as
usual...bringing aches to my cheeks from constant
smiles, and bouncing
my feet with rhythms that are unearthly. The
Psalters have such an
intense radical nature about them though, something
I admire deeply.
There's a verse in 1 peter that I try to live by...

"Now you can have sincere love for each other as
brothers and sisters
because you were cleansed from your sins when you
accepted the truth of
the Good News. So see to it that you really do love
each other intensely
with all your hearts."

I believe that's the first chapter and the 22nd
verse...anyway. This
group always brings me deep into the thought that
surrounds this little
passage. They in all their hippy glory, convict me
with their intensity
in living. I guess it's the Spirit that convicts,
but I figure you get
my gist. My ideals on what Jesus is like, were
refreshed and
personalized once more through this worshipful
experience.
Funny how that happens in a smokey coffee house,
nostrils being
assaulted with body odor and incense. I am impressed
with the way these
guys say their exact thoughts (no mulling and
picking through what would
be crowd pleasing.)....blah, blah, blah. I guess I
was inspired to try
harder.

My Parentals (Kristin I totally adopted that from
you!) are going to be
married for 20 years on Tuesday. I am truly
impressed by the example
they have set up for us in faithfulness. We haven't
always been looked
upon as consistant (us bystroms), but I think this
monumental occasion,
shows a deeper layer of consistancy...talk about
being 'rooted and
established'. I love you momma and poppa. You done
good. :)

Just so everyone knows...any conversation can be
turned into a joke
about gas. If you don't believe me. Come hang with
my family for a day,
I'm sure they'd manage to prove my point to you in
some small way.

Yeah it's Sunday morning, and we're churching it at
home...singing a
song by the Defranco family...only the lyrics have
been changed. So
instead of singing 'Heart beat, it's a love
beat'...they sang "Heart
cheek, it's a love cheek...and a love cheek sends a
good vibration."

Sick. Time to make pancakes with Isaiah.

I left Elise with a hug, tightening every muscle in
my eye so as to
prevent tearing. Kissing the Jude boy, and taking
one last glance at the
little flower they call Esme'....I left to catch my
train into the city
where I would catch another train to Holland. I sat
down on the top deck
by a window...with no one else around. Then I let
myself cry. It's not
that Elise would think I'm a dork for crying, but I
get sick of always
doing it. It was a happy time and I somehow always
manage to cry.
Something about the way this young married couple
live their life
together always touches me...something about the way
conversation flows
rivets me...something about the brightness I see in
their kids eyes
makes me all joyful.

Yeah they're part of the family.

So anyways. I had to take a metra train downtown
Chicago from the
suburb Isaiah and Elise live in...I ride the metra
knowing that when I
got
off I would need to find the amtrak union station.
Elise told me that if
I was having trouble reading the maps I should just
take a taxi (even
though we knew it was within walking distance) and
tell them I needed
the 'union station'. I get off the metra and I'm
like...no thanks, don't
feel like getting lost in Chicago today! So I waited
a total of 5
seconds for a taxi, and then hesitated...I felt so
awkward climbing into
a car alone with a stranger driving. It almost felt
dirty :)
I fumbled with my luggage longer than was probably
neccesary, then said
"union station please". He then looked at me
dumbfounded and asked...

"you mean that one over there?" He was pointing at a
building across the
street.
I laughed in surprise and said...
"Well probably! Is that the union station really?"
"Yeah it is." said he without a smile.

I was laughing at myself as I again fumbled to get
out of the awkward
space, and smiled all the way to the union
station...only when I got
there did the realization that it was still the
metra station, I needed
amtrak. I must have been wearing confusion as fear
on my face when this
big black guy came up to me...

"what you looking for ma'am?"
When i hesitated he asked "Where you need to go?
Amtrak?"
"Yeah I need to catch a train to michigan."
"Well if you buy me a chinese dinner I'll show you
the amtrak station."

And we began walking together...I dropped my jacket
once without
noticing and he caught it for me, and was annoyed
that the taxi driver
was not more helpful (I
freely relayed the embarrassing mess to him)...he
insisted though that
walking in chicago was better than a taxi...plus he
was happy that I
would be paying for his fried rice w/pork.

We stopped at a corner and he pointed me the rest of
the way...I then
asked him how much a dinner would cost and he
replied:

"Eight dollars sis, but that's not including a
coke."

I thought well I'll give him ten...that's more than
generous for a
walking guide. Then I thought...I'll give him 5 more
because he's just
so nice and actually has made me feel quite comfy
here in a scary city.
I handed him the $15 dollars...and he said:

"How about five more. I got kids."

I gave it to him, knowing all the time I was being
taken advantage of.
Then his eyes lit up and he was like:
"Thank you sis! can I give you a hug?" We embraced
and I started walking
away. He called after me...

"I love you sis!"
"Thanks! I love you too!" Yelled I.

Then I was on my way, and bought my ticket and
waited an hour for my
train. Yeah pretty much. I think I've thought about
this whole
experience way more than him, but...
it made me thankful for being as sheltered as I am.
In a way I think it
gives me more courage to respond in such situations.
I saw what people
were like trying to survive in their 'big
world'...but what's the use of
being aware and cultured when we only stare at our
feet in
desensitization? If that's even a word.

Hey check out these cool tunes by "I wish I could
have bought you a
helicopter"

http://www.purevolume.com/iwishicouldhaveboughtyouahelicopter>
. A
friend of mine was in on the action, and I think
it'd be cool if we
could help them on their way to Iceland. Please make
all checks payable
to me. :) Listen and enjoy.

Joanna Newsom is my latest obsession in seeking
musical brilliance. I am
all aglow for I just recieved an original Jude
valentine...pink paper
with red painted heart. Preschool style writing.
Yes. I am in love.
Hallmark move over here comes the 3 year old. I
still am mourning over
the loss of a date with pappa tonight, but Chicago
will hold me over
until I get a raincheck. Something like that.

In honor of Valentine's Day....

I heart you.

Yes I do honor Valentine's Day. Maybe it's because I
grew up knowing the
joys of receiving construction paper hearts fringed
in paper doilies,
from my parents...cut and glued by their own tender
fingers. I also have
some sweet messes of homemade valentines from Niah's
younger days saved
here in my desk drawer. "JOHANNA you R a GOOD sister
and I love you.
LOVE, NIAH" Yeah those encourage the red hot holiday
spirit in me.

Mostly though it's the story my mom told me when I
was wee about her dad
that instilled a passion for love in me. When my
grandpa was in the 2nd
or 3rd grade he decided to go all out making
valentines for his school
mates... I guess he was a pretty shy and quiet boy.
Every kid in that
class received a homemade valentine from little
Dale. Sweet right? I
thought so too...my grandpa was not a soft man, and
whenever I got a
glimpse of that in him, I melted...even if the
glimpse was in his past.
My heart melted, then broke for him. Dale Fralic
gave everyone a
valentine and did not recieve one in return.

It's stupid little things like that, which affect
our beings so
dramatically. I know it seems intense to say it, but
I think that even
one valentine that day would've made my grandpa a
little less bitter of
a person in his old age.

I know this holiday coming up is over
commercialized, but what holiday
isn't these days? My hope is to make it less about
romance, and more
about love. Yup. I'm being so cliche' right now, but
hey. It feels okay
sometimes. A spoonful of humility to help the grace
go down.

I agree with friend Kat when she tells her hubby
Drew, that if he can't
show her love on any other day, but February
14th...then she doesn't
want any of it. I wish so badly that the welling of
intense love for
mankind I feel on this day, thinking about my
grandpa and such would
last all year round. Oh Lordie....you are amazing.

In other news...I'm leaving for Chicago tomorrow.
Visiting Isaiah and
Elise, dear, dear friends. They moved from Holland
to British Columbia,
from BC to Chi-town. I think by next year they hope
to be in NY, where
Isaiah will finish his schooling and recieve a PHD
and be a brilliant
Professor. I would want him to teach me. They have
taught me a lot. I
made them a valentine, I started organizing a
collection of good
memories I've had with them in writing...maybe two
years ago? I revised
it for the final time this week, and am planning to
give it to them on
Monday.

I wish I could've sent all my friends valentines
this year...I just
didn't have enough stamps or ink in my printer. So
here's a shout out to
all I neglected...

I love you. You make my heart go "boing".

I've come to the conclusion that I really need to be
able to live. Live
with what I say to other people as my own action,
not my empty
conviction. So today my goal is to find the 'no mans
land' between
exploding words and imploding thoughts. "Explode or
Implode" ha.

Shiggy diggy dang dang.

So I'm going to buy a Lemonjello's mug...but not
just any Lemonjello's
mug - the February special. " I heart lemonjello's".
That's what it
says, and I don't think I've ever read a statement
that has summerized
my emotion to the deepest point as this one does.
Maybe tonight will be
the when the splurge happens...your first drink is
free. You are allowed
anything. I'll get a shake. I think that's the most
expensive thing on
the menu...and I won't feel guilty for doing that
either, seeing how I
always leave hefty tips in Matt's jar. Once I bought
a tea, and I think
it cost me a dollar-fifty. So I left a three dollar
tip. No one saw, so
it was fun. If anyone had seen they would have
teased me mercilessly.
That would have made it less fun. I think I just
ruined any fun I had
doing that by writing about it now...shoot.

Last night, Robin and I had to use the little girls
room...so we stopped
at the nearest McDonalds (no we weren't sitting at
home, we were out and
about so it made sense to use a public restroom.)
This place was insane,
it looked like an italian cafe' on the inside.
Seriously, they had all
this fancy railing up guiding you to the counter,
where you'd place your
order for a hamburger (complete with smashed bun and
diced onions). We
walked through, making a beeline for the
restrooms...we got distracted
by a few photo's on the wall of people riding in
Gondola's on murky
rivers. :) It was surreal. Anyway...all this to say
that the bathrooms
sucked. The tile and everything was pretty. We
waited for the stalls to
become vacant before we realized only one was
occupied. The lady came
out, and as I reached to catch the swinging door she
stopped me to say
that the toilet was clogged. We stood there for a
minute, before
deciding to check out the other stalls. The one I
decided to go with was
clogged too, but I had to 'go' so badly by then that
I just pretended
not to notice the mounds of soggy toilet tissue.
Robin snatched up the
handicap stall...and we were on our way.

When I had relieved myself the sensory flush kicked
on, and that was
gross to hear it sputter and gargle...but then I
started laughing
because Robin was screaming that her toilet was
spraying her. There was
hardly any soap, and one of the sinks didn't work.
Nice eh? I bet you're
all glad that I shared so much information about a
trip to the bathroom.
Face it, you were curious. Robin will probably shoot
me for posting this
publicly, but I'll just talk her out of it by
reminding her that we've
been friends since girlhood. When she relents I'll
turn her and her gun
into the authorities. She shouldn't be messing with
guns anyhow. That's
asking for dangerous things to happen.

Ohhh...Niah and Isaiah are having a heart to heart
right now. Isaiah
has an extremely-if you touch it-it will fall
out-loose tooth...and Niah
is trying to encourage him to pull it by giving him
four dollars.
Isaiah agreed and took the money, but when Niah
tried to remove the
tooth he freaked out. Crying and telling Niah he
was a "skeerday
cat"...he doesn't want to give the money back yet
though. He doesn't
like the blood that comes with the experience. Oh
poor baby. I can't
remember if it was that hard for me.


I guess I should go contribute to the house.