So I'm back in Michigan with a bit of whirl wind experience under my belt. I will linger in Belleville for tonight, and then head home tomorrow, but not before I make one very important pit stop at Calvin College. I have two words for you... Sufjan
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Baby Consider my adoration an obsession if you want, I simply call it a crush. I'm tired but don't feel like sleeping much, I need to learn to process verbally I think...else this imploding mind causes me an untimely death due too sleep deprivation or just a plain waste of energy. What is there to figure out tonight anyway? I should just pray for sweet sleep and leave it at that...that's what I think I will do after this. :) I like the people I travel with, I like listening to them talk, and the colors that flash by windows in our moving vehicle. Which I meant to take a picture of, I'm not very good at describing things involving mechanics...it's cool though, big and white, and I sleep on the top of a triple bunk. I like being a nanny too...I hang out with 21 month old Eden whilst mommy and daddy do their sound checks and performances. I didn't have access to wireless all the time, so I had write things down in my real journal...I'll share a little bit with you now.9/8/05I balanced Eden on my hip as we walked away from her parents...she whined, pointing at all the dark rooms she wanted to explore. I tried to distract her with silly tidbits of conversation...and she heard none of it. I finally thought to ask her about something worth her attention. “Eden do you want to see Jesus?” She stopped verbalizing, her finger held still in the air above my shoulder, and said “Yes.” When we first arrived at this old world Pennsylvanian Church we stood in the lobby unsure of where to put ourselves. We had admired the exterior, in all it’s prestige of cobblestone and large red doors, framed at the top peak with stained glass. Both sets of red doors had been locked and we had to enter through plain glass doors into the lobby. I set the tiny girl down to have a look around and she took off to follow Drew into the empty sanctuary. I rounded the corner just in time to see him open wooden doors into the dark room, the only light came from the large stain glass windows...It was quite lovely, the colored light showed us wooden pews covered in red velvet and the golden crosses at a carpeted altar...Eden walked up to the prettiest window of all, pointed and chattered about the depiction of “Jeshush.” I decided to see if she ’d be pleased to return to the sight...this time we found the light switch, since the lights outside had long faded, and Jesus no longer glowed with the sunset. I set her on her own feet, she walked a few steps reminiscing about “Dew” and “Jeshush”. Her eyes were fixed on the same glass window, she stopped walking and sighed. “Jeshush.” She stood in a moment of stillness, then began weaving a way through the pews, and up to the steps of the altar where she stopped again, reaching for my hand. We climbed the steps and she sighed again. This little girl was showing me peace in one of the most profound, and inexplicable ways. I thought about this and sighed myself, before starting to feel slightly uncomfortable at our familiar exploration, we were tromping in a place of worship, where only the soft padding of men dressed in robes had been after the little boys had lit candles. The congregation would be led in song from our platform, by the choir I could hear practicing upstairs. The realization bothered me for only a little while. We approach the throne everyday, and the only difference now was that I was getting a visual, glimpsing into where my whining prayers take me, when all of me is focused on my requests, unconscious of the weight that exists outside. The glory of God, the great gifts I've received in just drawing near to Him. I should maybe feel a little strange in such presence and recognition. I followed pigtails to the door...she sighed once more as I lifted her to push the button allowing the lights to fade.