Mmm...quiet. Well except for Niah and his guitar.
It's been a long
time since he's picked up and played just for the
heck of it. He used
to do it more often is what I mean...it's a good
sound. I don't think
the fact that my parents named him Kenaniah after
the skilled song
leader in 1 Chronicles is a fluke. He keeps
improving everytime I hear
him too. He has stopped playing now though...now I
only hear the fish
tank bubbling, and the slightly frozen rain hitting
the kitchen window.
I like being home on days like these...I feel like
I've been just
existing in busy-ness. It's all good and fun stuff,
but there are a lot
of times that I find myself wondering if there's use
in any of it. Mary
Jo and I talked about that quite a bit on Tuesday
night...I think I've
come to the conclusion that all my childhood dreams
are coming to a
head. Some of the are flakey, and easily chased
away...others are there
still and rather impetuosly so, yet I'm unsure after
watching the other
ones "turn yella" and run...the more I think and
mull things over, the
more I doubt. I feel myself retreating into vague
answers and
superficial busy-ness. Just because I can't handle
wondering...my mind
tells me all the facts on how it's bad to worry.
That it'll all be okay
in the end...the vision of my heart only sees this.
A river, one that
I've been preparing to cross...been gathering
equipment and such. Now
standing on it's bank, the loud monsterous noise of
moving water fills
my ears with deafening force. I watch as the water
smashes over
boulders, moving faster after each blow. I see this
and only this, my
memory slips...mist covers the river bank across
from me.

The whole experience could be fun and hopefilled,
but the looming
thought making a mistake that would flip the raft is
a little
threatening. Dang, haven't I been here before?
Maybe this time when I
hear the truth, and feel it's touch...I'll remember
it when next doubt
entices me.

But now, this is what the LORD says-
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
-Isaiah 43:1&2

My tea is done...and so am I :) Maybe I'll actually
get some stuff done
at home today...I am excited and happy for this
evening!