The Taste of Fortunes with Coke.

I hold in my heart, a strange reverence for fortunes in those, folded, chinese cookie things. Not in a spiritual sense, well not beyond the sensical thought that God speaks every day, turning ordinary, even insignificant experiences into spiritual opportunities. This has occured several times for me, through the cracking of fortune cookies, so I hold a little special place for them in the part of my mind that gathers applicable bits of information, regarding character and all that.

This morning, and yesterday morning for that matter...I woke up with a heaviness, that not only made jumping off the edge of my loft bed extremely difficult, but put me in a weird unsociable funk to boot. So focus on the word 'unsociable' for a minute; I also was feeling sorry for myself, lonely, like I have no friends, which is a load of you know what...but a real feeling none the less, mostly, I think I interpreted this as proof that I am missing a lot of my friends, more than me just not having any. Because, like I said, that's not true. I also know that I get like this after traveling for awhile and then having to return home. I love my family, I just have a little wild thing in me that likes to roam around...a thing that I've been assuringly told is okay to have...especially upon entering a new stage of independence, called adulthood...er whatever. So I'm unsociable, and feeling lonely, and like a jerk for wanting to roam a world outside of home. Wouldn't be so bad if I weren't a girl whose being thrives on the essence of emotion...my thoughts are thrown off kilter by it, and I read that sometimes people with my personality type can be affected physically, in their health by emotion...or lack of affirmation. Pretty crazy stuff.

I'm thinking about all this today, after I got a burst of energy to go out and run important errands...my head started to ache, and so I bought a soda. Thinking the sugar would help (it did), and ate Drew's left over fortune cookie from last weekend, when I took him to the Pho 16 restaraunt. The little slip of paper stayed in my hand for the rest of my driving time, as I considered the red letters...

"Stop searching forever. Happiness is just next to you."

Perhaps the offsetting of my "delicate internal balance", is due to lacking enough self control to tell myself or even listen to others tell me to shut up and enjoy the scenery. As I write this...I think I've been taught it before, and even maybe have said it here before. Sheesh...how embarrassing. This may just be one of those recurring themes in my life, and I'm getting better, but have to revisit the issue on each advanced level. Maybe it's more of a theme and variation thing.